Women in these toxic patterns get hooked on the ups and downs of their relationships and can form what experts call betrayal bonds, which cause them to feel even more attached to men who show them these extreme — and sometimes ultimately dangerous — forms of attention.
"You eventually feel like a guy doesn't love you unless he's either yelling in your face or trying to win you back," Dunn says.
You've been dating the same type of guy or gal for years -- controlling, dominating, manipulative -- and you can't seem to break the pattern.
Instead of lying in bed reliving a yummy date, go out to brunch with a friend. As uncomfortable as it might be, try to have a conversation about what’s actually going on between you rather than indefinitely staying in a fantasy relationship with him. It’s masochistic to be involved with a guy who’s not truly available for a relationship with you, whether it’s because he has a girlfriend, a wife, or just issues. The morning after a date you text him, “Thanks so much for last night, it was amazing! You feel like you have to plot out every step of this relationship and without your constant vigilance, it will wither away and die. You are not really in control anyway, even though you think you are."It's not uncommon for women to keep going back to the type that wronged them in the past." How do you change whom you're drawn to dating?It's not easy, but it starts with figuring out where your attraction to these guys came from in the first place.Repeatedly choosing the wrong guys signals that you may be driven to re-create the drama you had with your father or first boyfriend.Many women who had an absentee dad or let the arrogant JV football captain string them along for years will go for men who are unavailable or talk down to them because they're subconsciously trying to resolve things with the guy who let them down earlier in life, says Dunn — even though, clearly, that's not solving anything.If you feel like you missed the class that taught everything you needed to know about dating and you just can’t make these things called relationships work, you may be stuck in some unhealthy romantic patterns.These default strategies can often kick in without us even knowing it — from the moment those first crushy feelings arise and take hold until the relationship inevitably crashes and burns and sometimes beyond, making it difficult to get over a guy and move on with your dating life.By providing culturally-sensitive and relevant information, they aim to correct misinformation, remove stigma and begin a dialogue about mental health and healthy living.They believe it is from these dialogues that South Asians will feel more comfortable seeking services and making the necessary changes to live a healthier life.We were shocked when we heard that the first guy Rihanna seriously dated after Chris Brown had been accused of domestic abuse by an ex-girlfriend.After everything she went through, it would seem as if she'd be repulsed by men with that kind of reputation. "Most of us have a relationship pattern — that same type of guy we keep falling for — and it can work for or against us," says couples therapist Deborah Dunn, author of Stupid About Men.