Quick question: You’re a single guy, let’s say in your late twenties to mid-thirties, with a decent job, given the choice between the following two single women to date; which one do you choose?Choice A: A real-world-hot 28-year-old receptionist on her fourth job in three years, who lives with two roommates in a fifth-floor walkup in some outer borough, aspires to someday have a job that gives her either free shoes or health insurance, and only sounds like an idiot when she speaks out loud. Because, if the status quo in my firm…and in my life…and in my friends’ lives…and in any bar from New York to L. is any indication, a law degree confers about as much romantic value to a single woman as a meth habit and a hidden penis. Let’s replay a quick conversation I had a couple of Thursdays ago with my friend Stein, a graphic designer in his late twenties who I’d set up with a third-year finance associate at my firm who’s so pretty and fun that I still half-suspect that she’s not actually an associate, but really an actress posing as a lawyer for some kind of (horrifyingly sad) new reality show.That's what compelled me to write What compels me to write this article today is a recent trip to the Harvard-Yale Game festivities, reminding me of how smart, educated women routinely sabotage their own chances for romantic fulfillment.Because, as fabulous as these ladies are, all of their failed relationships have one thing in common: themselves.Not all lawyers, not all the time, but most of the ones that I’ve been around are putting in some solid time, which includes nights, weekends, holidays—the works.
A lot of the more “life” posts at this blog and others are frequently externally oriented, by which I mean they are focused outward (towards employers, towards institutions, towards spouses or significant others) with their observations and comments.So, do not be discouraging when trying to date a lawyer and instead be as patient.In the long run, patience will pay off as they will respect your attitude for not blowing your top or making snide or unfriendly remarks about their profession of choice.A question that many men have when it comes to the dating scene is whether female lawyers can be won over by their own personality.Over the years, the female lawyer has developed a stereotype of being an inflexible persona that is far more driven to success rather than wanting to be in a relationship.I don’t mean to criticize or call a halt to this, since I think many of these targets have certainly been giving women less than a helping hand for a while.But I’d like to spare the usual suspects for the moment and turn the focus on us, because while this blog is about women, it is about women who are (aspiring) lawyers, and the WSL post starting me thinking about lawyers’ relationship fitness.(But not to worry, according to the latest reports, if you can’t provide that full disaster experience for them, they’ll cheat on you with someone who will—so, you’re covered either way.) Sure, a few guys—the smart, if not more Darwinian, types—realize that at its core, dating an ambitious, fun woman who can pay her bills (and theirs! They realize that maybe, just maybe, one of the upsides of dating a woman who’s more successful than they are is that, at the very least, they know that the only thing she wants from them is…them. And if we’re interested in dating you, then you’re probably not a loser—at least not to us. So, for you guys out there, the ones who think that a lady J. isn’t worth your time because she’s just too successful, too intimidating, too together, let me clue you in on a little secret on behalf of the together-est of together women lawyers everywhere—though, be warned, it may titillate and/or confuse you. See, like most folks perceived as having tidy, charmed lives, we’re the same unhinged wrecks that you are; we just hide it more efficiently and have better accessories.For the rest of you guys, though, what are you so afraid of? I mean, really, is it so impossible to believe that a cute, successful woman would be interested in a cute, not-as-successful man? True, we have enough sense and ability to manage to get out of bed every morning and do something productive—or at least lucrative—with our time, but that doesn’t mean that we’re winning any gold medals in the Race to a Perfect Life.I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this, as someone who will be a lawyer, who is dating a lawyer, and who has worked for many lawyers before I drank the Kool Aid and went to law school.From what I’ve observed and experienced, lawyers work a lot.